To conclude the series on our story, I thought I would share with you some of the lessons I've learned about marriage. We are 3.5 years in, which simultaneously feels like no time at all and a lifetime (in a good way!). To many, we still seem like newlyweds. 3.5 years is nothing. But We've learned a lot in those 3.5 years, and I can't wait to keep learning, growing, changing, and becoming more like Jesus alongside Joe. So, here are some things marriage has taught me:


  • Love is a choice, not a feeling

I had heard this many times before getting married, but never has it been so applicable in my life. I love Joe immensely, but there are days that loving him is hard. Days that he's hurt me somehow, or made me angry, or upset me, or broken my trust in some way. Days that I just don't feel like loving him. And I have done the same to him. On those days, feelings aren't enough to get us through. Choosing to love one another despite our feelings has strengthened our marriage, strengthened our trust, made us more empathetic and understanding, and ultimately draws us closer to one another and closer to our Creator. Being able to choose love, even when we don't feel like it, is an incredible reflection of God's love for us, a way for us to point one another to Christ, and a way for us to live in His image. Because while there are a lot of days God probably doesn't feel like loving me, His love is unfailing and unchanging. So should be the way that we love one another.

  • Sometimes, it’s ok to go to bed angry

A common piece of advice to newlyweds is “Never go to bed angry.” While I think the intention is good, in practice this has not always been the wisest for us. There are times we have both been too tired to fight, and fought anyway. Fighting exhausted just led to yelling, digging heels in, and more exhaustion. Getting a good night of sleep and continuing the conversation after rest is sometimes the wisest thing we can do. We both are more rational, more prone to listen, and more likely to apologize when we’re not tired. And that leads us to much better conflict resolution than staying up late to hash something out that could've just waited until morning.

  • Communication is key

This is also something I heard many times before getting married, and is applicable to every aspect of life. The idea that it's not as easy as it sounds probably comes as no surprise to any human on planet earth... because everyone has struggled with poor communication or miscommunication at some point or another. If you don't know me that well, you may not know that I'm a big talker. I love to talk. I need to talk. Talking is how I process through things. Sometimes I do this with Joe, and sometimes I do this with a friend. Probably one of the hardest lessons for me has been learning when to go to a friend, and when I need to talk to my husband. Many times it's ok to do both, but most of the time, Joe needs to be my first point of contact.

  • Be supportive

I’m not sure I’ve done this very well for Joe. But he has definitely done it for me, and it’s so incredible. From the beginning of our relationship, Joe has been my biggest fan. Anything that gets me excited, gets him excited. Whether it’s adding new buttons onto an old coat, starting my own business with no business experience, or attempting to qualify for the Boston marathon, Joe has no doubt of my ability to do whatever I set my mind to, and supports me the whole way through. 

  • Prayer is powerful 

Joe and I have not always been great about praying together. But within the last few months, we have made a point to pray together every night before bed. The amount of growth and intimacy we’ve experienced through that has been amazing. Marriage isn't just about living together, or being together, or even sex. It's about growing intimately with one another and growing more holy together.

  • Learn to let him lead

Scripture makes it clear that God created husbands/fathers to be the head of the household. (If you know me at all, you know) I am a control freak. Sometimes it’s really hard to let go and let Joe lead the way Scripture calls him to. Not because of anything he’s done, but because of my own issues. Over the last 3.5 years, this has been a huge point of growth: figuring out how to let him lead, how to let go, and really growing to understand his leadership style. I think Joe would agree it's been a point of growth for him as well, as he's stepped into that role and had to figure out how to lead and lead well. We have come a long way, but we’ve got a ways to go!


One thing I've said a lot lately is "Relationships are hard." Whether it's a friendship or a marriage, or anything in between, they're hard! Because relationships involve two (or more) imperfect people. And imperfect people will disappoint you, at some point or another. But even so, relationships are so worth the fight. We were created for relationships. The blessings of relationships far outweigh the difficulty and struggle that come along with them.




Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins.

1 Peter 4:8