Our world is utter chaos.

In recent months, it feels as bad as ever. As of late, I've been feeling a lot of guilt. Guilt about many things... sometimes overwhelming. This morning, I felt an immense guilt about our financial situation. I felt at fault that we don't have more to spend, more to save, more to put towards debt. You see, I had a job that paid pretty well but was beginning to put me in a tailspin with my mental health. In October of 2020, I finally quit. I chose my mental health over money. It was hard. But it was the right thing to do. In November of 2020, I officially launched this photography business. I had such high hopes. I had steep goals. And today, I felt like an utter failure. So this morning, I reached out to my husband about my guilt, thinking it must be time to call it quits and go find a "real job". Because honestly? I though by now I'd be doing better, shooting more, and earning more.

The conclusion my husband and I came to though? Making any decision out of guilt is the worst reason to make a decision. Building a business takes time. It takes patience. It takes hard work. And guilt? Well that's not from God. So we will pray. And we will move forward until God closes the door or calls us in another direction. For now, we march on, through the good and bad of this journey. And we have hope, knowing that God is the one in control and He will never fail us.

As I ponder on all this, I realize my love for photography has not waned one bit as I've gone through the roller coaster of opening a business. In fact, I think it has grown. I can see my skills getting better, my photos getting better, my editing getting better. It's really fun to look at my photos from now and from a year ago... so much growth. And honestly, if I had never taken this leap in the first place, I'm not sure that would've happened. Pursuing this dream has forced me to take some chances, some leaps, that I might not have otherwise. It has also pushed me to not settle... I was in a job that made me miserable. Now, I get to do so many things that I absolutely love. I get the opportunity to coach. I get to help more and serve more at church. I get to eat dinner with my husband almost every night. All because I took this leap...

So today, I jump. I leap. I go forward. I fight another day, knowing that for now, I am exactly where God has called me to be.

Photo Credit: Mallory Carr of Arbor Weddings